I originally wrote and published this article in Spanish.
As we brace ourselves to move abroad for the third time in a few years, I look back and I know that squeezing our lives into a suitcase and leaving our native Barcelona was the best decision that we could have possibly made. Because when you move away, when you turn your life into a journey filled with uncertainty, you grow up in unexpected ways.
You face new challenges, you get to know parts of you you didn’t know existed, you’re amazed at yourself and at the world. You learn, you broaden your horizons. You unlearn, and after coming down and embracing a few lessons, you start growing in humility. You evolve. You feel homesick… and you shape memories that will stay with you forever. If you’ve ever lived away from home or embarked on a long journey, I’m sure you too have felt these 17 things that change forever when you live abroad.
1. Adrenalin becomes part of your life.
From the moment you decide to move abroad, your life turns into a powerful mix of emotions – learning, improvising, dealing with the unexpected… All your senses sharpen up, and for a while the word “routine” is dismissed from your vocabulary to make space for an ever rising adrenalin thrill ride. New places, new habits, new challenges, new people. Starting anew should terrify you, but it’s unusually addictive.
2. But when you go back… everything looks the same.
That’s why, when you get a few days off and fly back home, it strikes you how little everything has changed. Your life’s been changing at a non-stop pace, and you’re on holidays and ready to share all those anecdotes you’ve been piling up. But, at home, life’s the same as ever. Everyone keeps struggling with their daily chores, and it suddenly strikes you: life won’t stop for you.
3. You lack the (and yet you have too many) words.
When someone asks you about your new life, you lack the right words to convey all you’re experiencing. Yet later, in the middle of a random conversation, something reminds you about ‘that time when’…, and you have to hold your tongue because you don’t want to overwhelm everyone with stories from your ‘other country’ and come across as pretentious.
4. You come to understand that courage is overrated.
Lots of people will tell you how brave you are – they too would move abroad if they weren’t so scared. And you, even though you’ve been scared, too, know that courage makes up about 10% of life-changing decisions. The other 90% is purely about wanting it with all your heart. Do you want to do it, do you really feel like doing it? Then do it. From the moment we decide to jump, we’re no longer cowards nor courageous – whatever comes our way, we deal with it.
«It’s a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don’t keep your feet, there’s no knowing where you might be swept off to.»
5. And, suddenly, you’re free.
You’ve always been free, but freedom feels different now. Now that you’ve given up every comfort and made it work thousands of miles away from home… you feel like you’re capable of anything!
6. You no longer speak one particular language.
Sometimes you unintentionally let a word from another language slip. Other times you can only think of a way of saying something… with that perfect word which, by the way, is in the wrong language. When you interact with a foreign language on a daily basis, you learn and unlearn at the same time. All the while you’re soaking up cultural references and swear words in your second language, you find yourself reading in your mother tongue so it won’t get rusty. Like that time when Homer took a home winemaking course and forgot how to drive.
7. You learn to say goodbye… and to enjoy yourself.
You soon realize that now, most things and people in your life are just passing through, and you instinctively play down the importance of most situations. You perfect the right balance between bonding and letting go – a perpetual battle between nostalgia and pragmatism.
8. You have two of everything.
Two SIM cards (one of them packed with phone numbers from all over the world), two library cards, two bank accounts… And two types of coins, which always end up mysteriously mixing when you’re about to pay for something.
9. Normal? What’s normal?
Living abroad, like traveling, makes you realise that ‘normal’ only means socially or culturally accepted. When you plunge into a different culture and a different society, your notion of normality soon falls apart. You learn there are other ways of doing things, and after a while, you too take to that habit you never thought you’d embrace. You also get to know yourself a little better, because you discover that some things you really believe in, while others are just a cultural heritage of the society you grew up in.
10. You become a tourist in your own city.
That tourist trap you may not have visited in your country only adds up to the never-ending list of things to do in your new home, and you soon become quite the expert on your new city. But when someone comes over for a few days and asks for some suggestions, you find it really hard to recommend but a few things – if it were up to you, you’d recommend visiting everything!
11. You learn how to be patient… and how to ask for help.
When you live abroad, the simplest task can become a huge challenge. Processing paperwork, finding the right word, knowing which bus to take. There’s always moments of distress, but you’re soon filled with more patience than you ever knew you had in you, and accept that asking for help is not only inevitable, but also a very healthy habit.
12. Time is measured in tiny little moments.
It’s as if you were looking through the car window – everything moves really slowly at the back, in the distance, while in front of you life passes by at full speed. On the one hand, you receive news from home – birthdays you missed, people who left without you getting the chance to say goodbye one last time, celebrations you won’t be able to attend. On the other hand, in your new home life goes by at top speed. Time is so distorted now, that you learn how to measure it in tiny little moments, either a Skype call with your family and old friends or a pint with the new ones.
13. Nostalgia strikes when you least expect it.
A food, a song, a smell. The smallest trifle can overwhelm you with homesickness. You miss those little things you never thought you’d miss, and you’d give anything to go back to that place, even if it were just for an instant. Or to share that feeling with someone who’d understand you…
14. But you know it’s not where, but when and how.
Although deep down, you know you don’t miss a place, but a strange and magical conjunction of the right place, the right moment and the right people. That year when you traveled, when you shared your life with special ones, when you were so happy. There’s a tiny bit of who you were scattered among all the places you’ve lived in, but sometimes going back to that place is not enough to stop missing it.
15. You change.
I’m sure you’ve heard about life-changing trips. Well, they’re not a commonplace – living abroad is a trip that will profoundly change your life and who you are. It will shake up your roots, your certainties and your fears. Living in Edinburgh changed us forever in many ways, and if it weren’t for that experience, we probably wouldn’t be about to embark on our next life adventure right now. Maybe you won’t realise it, or even believe it, before you do it. But after some time, one day you’ll see it crystal clear. You’ve evolved, you’ve got scars, you’ve lived. You’ve changed.
16. You fit your home into a suitcase.
From the moment you squeeze your life into a suitcase (or, if you’re lucky with your airline, two), whatever you thought ‘home’ was doesn’t exist anymore. Almost anything you can touch can be replaced – wherever you travel, you’ll end up stockpiling new clothes, new books, new mugs. But there will come a day when you’ll suddenly feel at home in your new city. Home is the person traveling with you, the people you leave behind, the streets where your life takes place. Home is also the random stuff in your new flat, those things you’ll get rid of in the blink of an eye when the time to leave comes. Home is all those memories, all those long-distance calls with your family and friends, a bunch of pictures. Home is where the heart is.
17. And… there’s no turning back.
Now you know what it means to give up comfort, what starting from scratch and marveling at the world every day feels like. And it being such a huge, endless world… How could you choose not to keep traveling and discovering it?
Have you ever lived abroad? Is there anything you would add to this list? Drop us a comment and tell us about your experience!
I originally published this article in Spanish a few weeks ago. Lots of people asked for an English version, but please bear in mind English is not my native language and this is only a humble attempt at a translation. I apologise in advance for any mistakes – if there’s anything you’d like to point out, please drop me a comment below. Thank you! Angie
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Ahorra en Edimburgo con el billete Royal Edinburgh
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oh God! Am missing travelling so much!
Well said dear, every single word is totally true.
I believe that they way you deal with living abroad shapes your experience. I have been traveling for the last 7 years. I was looking for a place where I could find myself. I have been to Europe, US, Asia and the middle east not as a musician but as a doctor!!! I stumbled and failed but I struggled and still struggling to come close to what I have dreamt of. Every time I travel, I try to have local friends and live their life, although this was too harsh most of the time but I got to understand people more and be more Tolerant. i would say that traveling is an imperative part of growing both emotionally and intellectually. It is bitter at the beginning but the more you stay away from your home country, the more you get used to it. You learn how to say goodbye without crying, how to face hardship and how to be strong!!
I cant believe english isnt your firsr language. Well written.
I lived abroad for about 10 years. But my experience was a bit different. I was a traveling musician. I had one month contracts for each country. So I was basically living in a different world, every month for 10 years. Where the author had 2 sim cards, I amassed somewhere between 15-20. Some of the author’s points resonated resonated with me. But I found that as time goes on and you push further and further into different cultures, all those differences you see between cultures become less and less apparent over time. In addition, the rush of adrenaline eventually fades and the thrill of being in a new place over and over again becomes “old hat” and sometimes, even boring.
After a while, I realized that few years of travel were the best. I hadn’t yet learned the familiar patterns associated with being on the road all the time.
Eventually it dawned on me that, quite predictably, every city has its must-see attractions, museums and monuments. Every city has its version of nightlife. After a while you might find yourself going “Ah, here I am at another famous museum full of priceless artwork.” Yet after the 15th country, it’s not as exciting anymore.
In addition, you begin to realize that most countries have been sucked into globalization and have been steadily losing their unique identities. So Denmark is not as unique as it was 40 years ago. Neither was Russia or China for that matter.
I also began to see patterns that were not indicative of specific countries, but of geography. For example, I learned that there is a difference between city life and country life. There is also a difference between island life and living on the mainland. And another difference with those who live in the mountains versus near an ocean. For example, you may find similarities when comparing living in key west to living on an island in Greece. A greek might take a trip to the florida keys and think, “Wow you Americans are so laid back and relaxed just like my family back in Ios.”
The greatest differences, I think came when comparing the West to the Middle East to Asia. When I was working in Shanghai, for example, I realized that it didn’t matter to the Chinese if you were from Gemany, the USA or Australia. We appear all the same to them. And historically, the west DOES have much more in common to one another than they do to the east. As an American, I observed that the places that felt most like “home” were England and Australia. No surprise there. The places that came in as second close to home were in Western Europe.
In the end, It’s all relative. Becoming a citizen of the world DOES broaden your horizons. But after 10 years of constant traveling, I felt just as comfortable coming back home to my crappy little town in the Catskills, with a newfound appreciation of all countries.
No country is a utopia. They all have their pluses and minuses. You realize that the trick is to keep the excitement and zest for life you learned from your travels with you. Become the inspiration you want to see in the world. It does not lie outside, somewhere in another part of the world. It lies within you.
You seem to be a really interesting person, Jason. I definitively agree with you that globalization has “washed out” national identity to a certain extend. However, from my experience of living abroad (for 3 years already) I recognized that most of the “differences” come with the time. So, withing the first few months up to an year, you are basically just adapting to the new situation. With the time and especially with the constant contact to the native people you start recognizing quite a lot specificities. I live in Germany now, I changes several cities already and I learn something new for the people almost every day, I guess I will never know them as good as I know the people from my home land – Bulgaria.
I guess in your situation you were over-saturated with impressions and this must have affected your sensitivity to life and change. I experienced something similar when I was hitchhiking throughout whole Europe and was in another country every 2nd or 3rd day… At some point I could’t see and feel the differences anymore, couldn’t even enjoy the travel as you did with the museums.
So, everything is relative and it depends on your personal perception 😉
The comment you just wrote resonates with me so much- right down to the crappy little hometown in the catskills. Living in different places, you learn to appreciate the differences and see each place for what it is, but, at the end of the day, that inspiration that people are looking for in wanderlust- it has to come from within you. It takes time to realize that, but once you do, it gives you a sense of peace and comfort. Finding new far off adventures is fun, but finding yourself in the process- thats priceless.
Jason you nailed it. I have been travelling from last 6 years though not as frequent as you but still after travelling around 12 countries I do feel the same and specially regarding museums.every country is unique in its own way and yet every country has some things in common. Human emotions I guess are common all over the world, You will always find mothers obsessed with their children well being and trying to help them in every possible way. Every one in the world wants to progress and wants to have a better future…..But yet you enjoy going out, meeting different people, observing their different nature and style of thinking, Its fascinating to different cultures and in the end when you are done you come back to your home land and enjoy what nature has given to that land…..
Very interesting & enjoyable reading! Thank you for sharing.
First Your English is perfect and second I now live in your hometown since July 2014. I made this move because of a job I finally found after 2 years of searching and I love it. But also my mind was always daydreaming about living abroad again. I did it before when I left for Aruba leaving my son with his father in The Netherlands 16 years ago and that was very hard. But this time looks like a second chance to follow my dreams and now in much better circumstances and even my 29 year old son will join me partly to live with me next January and study Spanish and then relocate in spring to Ibiza. I love Barcelona and my first challenge is to really communicate well in Spanish and a bit in Catalan. My mind is set on living here forever and make it my second homeland. I moved everything I had to my nice Spanish appartment and are, while this was my 15th move already, again sorting out stuff and belongings to throw away. Your article is really nice to read and recognizable for everybody who lives abroad. Thank you for this!
This is an excellent article and I relate to every point you listed. It has always been difficult if not impossible to relate to people in the country where I was born, anything about my ‘other’ life abroad. I have always called another country ‘home’ and although I returned to the country of my birth many years ago, I still do not feel like this is my home. Thank you for sharing your work.
Such a wonderful article and so well written. It’s exactly what I feel I would like to say but haven’t quite found the words. I’ll be sending this on to all my friends and sharing it on my blog, http://www.threadsandginger.com
Australian living in Shanghai.
Firstly Angie your English is fantastic. If only my Spanish were as good. We have lived at the more Spanish end of the Costa del Sol for 14 years now and I agree every day is a new adventure. Even at my age I find sharing many moments of my life with my Spanish friends, communicating in my adopted language very stimulating still. Feeling more or less at home on the telephone in Spanish gives my ego an enormous boost. Visiting “home” in U.K. as you say one lacks the words to convey exactly how one feels. One risks boring everyone to death because old friends who have not experienced living abroad do not understand and are not really interested,
I have lived in some 11 or so cities in Canada, France, Belgium & the Netherlands and relate deeply to so much of what you are saying. Thanks for writing this and please don’t apologise for your English, it’s fantastic. I want all of my friends to read this!
Wow! Everything in this article is so spot on that I want to cry. Seriously. The feelings that you have described are so deep and so real. It is exactly what happens when you pack your life in a suitcase and move to a foreign country. It becomes even more intensified when you do not speak the native language of that country and when their cultural norms and very different from your own. Moving west-to-east from California to Japan was incredibly life-changing. All of the feelings of fear, nostalgia, learning, discovery, patience, impatience, lack of routine, letting go, burning memories in your mind, holding onto to precious moments like a Skype call, etc…everything you described is precisely what my wife and I felt. I felt similar when I moved to London years ago, but the move to Japan brought out these feelings even more intensely. It’s so hard to put in words for friends and family back home. This article helps me express many of those feelings so very well. So, THANK YOU! I don’t think I could ever fully explain it to someone who hasn’t been through this sort of life changing transition themselves, but this article helps me give them a core sense of it. So, I really appreciate it a lot. I’m very glad I came across your article!