I originally wrote and published this article in Spanish.
As we brace ourselves to move abroad for the third time in a few years, I look back and I know that squeezing our lives into a suitcase and leaving our native Barcelona was the best decision that we could have possibly made. Because when you move away, when you turn your life into a journey filled with uncertainty, you grow up in unexpected ways.
You face new challenges, you get to know parts of you you didn’t know existed, you’re amazed at yourself and at the world. You learn, you broaden your horizons. You unlearn, and after coming down and embracing a few lessons, you start growing in humility. You evolve. You feel homesick… and you shape memories that will stay with you forever. If you’ve ever lived away from home or embarked on a long journey, I’m sure you too have felt these 17 things that change forever when you live abroad.
1. Adrenalin becomes part of your life.
From the moment you decide to move abroad, your life turns into a powerful mix of emotions – learning, improvising, dealing with the unexpected… All your senses sharpen up, and for a while the word “routine” is dismissed from your vocabulary to make space for an ever rising adrenalin thrill ride. New places, new habits, new challenges, new people. Starting anew should terrify you, but it’s unusually addictive.
2. But when you go back… everything looks the same.
That’s why, when you get a few days off and fly back home, it strikes you how little everything has changed. Your life’s been changing at a non-stop pace, and you’re on holidays and ready to share all those anecdotes you’ve been piling up. But, at home, life’s the same as ever. Everyone keeps struggling with their daily chores, and it suddenly strikes you: life won’t stop for you.
3. You lack the (and yet you have too many) words.
When someone asks you about your new life, you lack the right words to convey all you’re experiencing. Yet later, in the middle of a random conversation, something reminds you about ‘that time when’…, and you have to hold your tongue because you don’t want to overwhelm everyone with stories from your ‘other country’ and come across as pretentious.
4. You come to understand that courage is overrated.
Lots of people will tell you how brave you are – they too would move abroad if they weren’t so scared. And you, even though you’ve been scared, too, know that courage makes up about 10% of life-changing decisions. The other 90% is purely about wanting it with all your heart. Do you want to do it, do you really feel like doing it? Then do it. From the moment we decide to jump, we’re no longer cowards nor courageous – whatever comes our way, we deal with it.
«It’s a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don’t keep your feet, there’s no knowing where you might be swept off to.»
5. And, suddenly, you’re free.
You’ve always been free, but freedom feels different now. Now that you’ve given up every comfort and made it work thousands of miles away from home… you feel like you’re capable of anything!
6. You no longer speak one particular language.
Sometimes you unintentionally let a word from another language slip. Other times you can only think of a way of saying something… with that perfect word which, by the way, is in the wrong language. When you interact with a foreign language on a daily basis, you learn and unlearn at the same time. All the while you’re soaking up cultural references and swear words in your second language, you find yourself reading in your mother tongue so it won’t get rusty. Like that time when Homer took a home winemaking course and forgot how to drive.
7. You learn to say goodbye… and to enjoy yourself.
You soon realize that now, most things and people in your life are just passing through, and you instinctively play down the importance of most situations. You perfect the right balance between bonding and letting go – a perpetual battle between nostalgia and pragmatism.
8. You have two of everything.
Two SIM cards (one of them packed with phone numbers from all over the world), two library cards, two bank accounts… And two types of coins, which always end up mysteriously mixing when you’re about to pay for something.
9. Normal? What’s normal?
Living abroad, like traveling, makes you realise that ‘normal’ only means socially or culturally accepted. When you plunge into a different culture and a different society, your notion of normality soon falls apart. You learn there are other ways of doing things, and after a while, you too take to that habit you never thought you’d embrace. You also get to know yourself a little better, because you discover that some things you really believe in, while others are just a cultural heritage of the society you grew up in.
10. You become a tourist in your own city.
That tourist trap you may not have visited in your country only adds up to the never-ending list of things to do in your new home, and you soon become quite the expert on your new city. But when someone comes over for a few days and asks for some suggestions, you find it really hard to recommend but a few things – if it were up to you, you’d recommend visiting everything!
11. You learn how to be patient… and how to ask for help.
When you live abroad, the simplest task can become a huge challenge. Processing paperwork, finding the right word, knowing which bus to take. There’s always moments of distress, but you’re soon filled with more patience than you ever knew you had in you, and accept that asking for help is not only inevitable, but also a very healthy habit.
12. Time is measured in tiny little moments.
It’s as if you were looking through the car window – everything moves really slowly at the back, in the distance, while in front of you life passes by at full speed. On the one hand, you receive news from home – birthdays you missed, people who left without you getting the chance to say goodbye one last time, celebrations you won’t be able to attend. On the other hand, in your new home life goes by at top speed. Time is so distorted now, that you learn how to measure it in tiny little moments, either a Skype call with your family and old friends or a pint with the new ones.
13. Nostalgia strikes when you least expect it.
A food, a song, a smell. The smallest trifle can overwhelm you with homesickness. You miss those little things you never thought you’d miss, and you’d give anything to go back to that place, even if it were just for an instant. Or to share that feeling with someone who’d understand you…
14. But you know it’s not where, but when and how.
Although deep down, you know you don’t miss a place, but a strange and magical conjunction of the right place, the right moment and the right people. That year when you traveled, when you shared your life with special ones, when you were so happy. There’s a tiny bit of who you were scattered among all the places you’ve lived in, but sometimes going back to that place is not enough to stop missing it.
15. You change.
I’m sure you’ve heard about life-changing trips. Well, they’re not a commonplace – living abroad is a trip that will profoundly change your life and who you are. It will shake up your roots, your certainties and your fears. Living in Edinburgh changed us forever in many ways, and if it weren’t for that experience, we probably wouldn’t be about to embark on our next life adventure right now. Maybe you won’t realise it, or even believe it, before you do it. But after some time, one day you’ll see it crystal clear. You’ve evolved, you’ve got scars, you’ve lived. You’ve changed.
16. You fit your home into a suitcase.
From the moment you squeeze your life into a suitcase (or, if you’re lucky with your airline, two), whatever you thought ‘home’ was doesn’t exist anymore. Almost anything you can touch can be replaced – wherever you travel, you’ll end up stockpiling new clothes, new books, new mugs. But there will come a day when you’ll suddenly feel at home in your new city. Home is the person traveling with you, the people you leave behind, the streets where your life takes place. Home is also the random stuff in your new flat, those things you’ll get rid of in the blink of an eye when the time to leave comes. Home is all those memories, all those long-distance calls with your family and friends, a bunch of pictures. Home is where the heart is.
17. And… there’s no turning back.
Now you know what it means to give up comfort, what starting from scratch and marveling at the world every day feels like. And it being such a huge, endless world… How could you choose not to keep traveling and discovering it?
Have you ever lived abroad? Is there anything you would add to this list? Drop us a comment and tell us about your experience!
I originally published this article in Spanish a few weeks ago. Lots of people asked for an English version, but please bear in mind English is not my native language and this is only a humble attempt at a translation. I apologise in advance for any mistakes – if there’s anything you’d like to point out, please drop me a comment below. Thank you! Angie
ORGANIZA TU VIAJE
ATRACCIONES
Ahorra en Edimburgo con el billete Royal Edinburgh
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AEROPUERTO
Reserva el bus del aeropuerto al centro de Edimburgo
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TOURS EN ESPAÑOL
- Disfruta de la visita guiada al Castillo de Edimburgo
- Reserva el Tour gratis por Edimburgo
- Reserva el Tour gratis de Harry Potter y Edimburgo
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EXCURSIONES POR ESCOCIA
Reserva las más populares:
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Imprescindible. Nosotros siempre usamos el de Heymondo con un 5 % de descuento para viajar en cualquier fecha (15 % para familias).
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Nuestra tarjeta favorita para viajar y ahorrar comisiones es Revolut, que ofrece 10 € de bienvenida aquí.
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INTERNET UK
Compra una tarjeta con datos ilimitados y conéctate desde el primer minuto con un 5 % de descuento.
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HOTELES
Consigue las mejores ofertas reservando hotel en Edimburgo con antelación.
A well written article that encapsulates the expat experience.
I would add how the friends you are lucky enough to meet become a better version of your family because unlike your family you get to choose who they are.
I lived in a few cities in China over 15 years and was blessed with my expat family.
Thank you, Angie, for this post. I totally relate to everything you say. There is also the other things that people have said, like how your perspective on your own country changes and how you don’t really have a home anymore. For #2, I would argue that it depends on the country. My home country Peru has changed a ton since I left 14 years ago, so now I go back and feel completely lost. I’m almost as much of a tourist as every other tourist there. And then my friends and relatives have new relationships and have changed. My sister is grown up, my cousins’ kids are graduating high school, my friends are married and have children – wow…
All in all, it has been the best thing I have done in my life, and I would not change it for the world. Even though it means that I’m now starting from scratch here in Germany – going to university all over again. Conversely it also means I have the opportunity to do something completely new. It is scary but exhilarating at the same time :-). All the best to you and everyone here who knows and appreciates how hard yet awesome it is to have lived abroad. And for those of you who want to try it but are afraid, DO IT. You will not regret it!
This is awesomely written and put together!! It explains every little detail and thought I have in mind after my experience of living in the south pacific for 2 years before I moved back to Egypt! Thank you for making it easier for me explaining to friends and family!
Lovely article, and your English is excellent!
I would add one thing – moving and living abroad lengthens your life. When I hear people say the last 20 years has gone by in a flash, I feel confused – for me, the last 20 years, full of new experiences, people and places, has taken at least 50 years and maybe more.
@ Angie, I have been living 18 years abroad uninterruptedly and agree with all you have put down in writing. Allow me to round it up to 20 😉 . I must have been fulfilling the void you left behind, spending the last 16 years in Barcelona 😀 .
From my own experience, I’d add, if back home all my friends were natives, majority of my friends abroad are not. Even more, in my case they were not even native to Barcelona/Catalonia/Spain. I neglect the fact who comes from where, no passport relevance, or ID for that matter.
Little injustices always hurt more back home. At least for me, xenophobia comes inherent with going somewhere else, I perceive it as natural. Even if invited by the government, university, fitting in is not accommodated and particularly amongst people, where these issues occur.
Things I omitted experiencing for whatever reason back home, were almost as an imperative to try in a new setting. When if not in this second chance?! I started sailing at the age of 30, and it was a mature love right of the bat. The list is endless from paying FilmoTeca memberships, to SkyDiving, walking in a maze or buying a Mac.
Nice article and I could easily spew more subjects upon which detached people would have no difficulty identifying.
You don’t have to ‘up sticks’ to have these sorts of experiences. I recently changed my life completely by starting 3 new businesses after 30 years working in public services. I’ve had all the same experiences without the upheaval of losing the best parts of where I live.
@ Linda Is it detachment from long routines that triggers the same feelings?
I can see how going abroad after living in one place can be “enlightening”. But as the son of an expat who grew up in 3 different countries, I feel that constantly moving and living abroad really affects your identity. There are times I just wish I just grew up in one place because I lack that sense of “belonging.” That’s the only downside Tho really, other than that it’s a marvelous experience
John,
I don’t often reply or contribute to comments, but your message spoke to me. I did not grow up as you did, moving from place to place, but instead lived in one place until I left for college. I haven’t gone back since college and have since lived on three continents in the 5 years since I left home.
However, from having the experience of growing up in one place, I can honestly say that it doesn’t necessarily add to your sense of “belonging.” Even though I lived there my entire childhood, my family was not originally from the area, and so I always felt like my roots couldn’t quite take to the soil.
After having lived in one place for 18 years, another for the better part of 4, one for 3 months and, the fourth for about 6 months, I can honestly say that your sense of belonging can’t truly be tied to a place. Small parts of your identity are tied to places, cultures, and people that speak to your heart. Even though I didn’t grow up with these people and in these cultures, I felt a stronger sense of belonging in these places because they were places that had called to me, called to my very identity in some way, to make me want to pick up and start new there.
I hope that somehow you can find that place, those people, and that culture that gives you that sense of belonging that I was so lucky to find.
your math doesn’t add up
@John:
Home country = 18 years.
Jess then moves away from home.
4 years + 3 months + 6 months = 5 years away from home.
How difficult was that to understand?
Think It depends if you go as an adult and it is entirely your own choice or having to get on with ever changing environments as a child. I have met many now adult expat kids and many do not want to leave their chosen home ever again. I have also worked with expat children in International schools and some cope really well whereas others really struggle with the frequent changes.
Like Jess I grew up in one place, without developing a strong sense of belonging, but when I left that place for the first time, I quite unexpectedly found this sense of belonging in Scotland. I lived there and lived and travelled in many places since, but if I can call one place “home” in the traditional sense it would still have to be Scotland. At the moment, however(and maybe never?) I do not want to live there…
The article sums it up nicely…. (Though it does not go into details of negatives, but these are outweighed by the positives if you love it) and if I am honest I never want to stop exploring, ever…!
But surely it is not for everybody….and what is wrong if you never want to leave your home? Just so long as your mind still travels in one way or another….
I think it was a great article…although she has not lived long enough to have enough knowledge yet……I have been in Playa Del Carmen for 12 years and have lived in Beirut Lebanon, Australia, USA and the UK…It is a marvelous experience which I would recommend to everyone…that is why I was able to write my TRUE international love story The Red Silk Robe on Amazon.com…you will laugh and cry over this book, I can assure you, also it ends up in PDC as a SS….Good work keep it up.Julia//\\\]]]==
well for someone who has not lived long enough to have enough knowledge she got it right don’t you think! and being a traveler you should know it is not the length of yr travel but actually the experience that counts…. food for thoughts Julia! never compare each experience their own and using it to promote yr travel as being epic well my fiend we all have our epic moments for better or worse 😉 at the end of the day we all r child of travel. Now Julia if you want to compare I will defo outshine u! I moved 58 times lived in 42 diff cities &countries where I lived france uk Dubai usa Australia St Marteen Italy and spain …., visited 168 cities and been in most continents how that for being international 😉 even for my caliber she got it spot on!
You did forget one important thing that changes forever. I’ve been living abroad for almost 12 years and it’s the people. While you miss your family and friends immensely you’ll feel surprised at the people that come into your life in your new home and make you feel welcome and how you may even feel guilty that you may be closer to them then those you left behind.
I totally agree. I use to live abroad in Ireland. At that time I left before Xmas because they needed us there to work before. I though that Xmas abroad was going to be great apart from family with whole new perspective of life and culture. Well. It was. But not in a better way, just worse. I felt that I gave up what I had for what I went thru in Ireland.
But what at I learned before I left that place was a few lessons. To take help from anyone that you feel you can rely on. I never know when someone turns out to be the most helpful.
This is a great article ,I have lived abroad 2 times and can completely relate to this!!! People don’t know what it means to live until they experience the unknown .